A Grand Opening (of my MIND)

So a few weeks ago there was a GRAND OPENING in Reno, of this outdoor-type store Cabela's, and per usual a bunch of people lined up for hours and hours to get in. "This Cabela's must be some kind-a place!" you might be saying. Not so fast, say I. Or said Past Me.

I was dismissive of this grand opening because, as you may know, people in Reno really like lining up for things. Especially new things. P.F. Chang's was a pretty big deal--there were lines out the door for weeks. For, you know, P.F. CHANG'S. Ugh. You should have seen it when the first In-n-Out opened here. It was line pandemonium. So Cabela's? Pshaw, said Past Me! What is this so-called Cabela's anyway? To me it is nothing! Less than such, even! Good day to you, sir!

But then (here comes the TWIST!) my mom asked me to stop at Cabela's on my way home to California for Thanksgiving, because we needed a meat grinder for some last minute homemade sausage-making. So I did. And holy crap, you guys, it turns out Cabela's is pretty much the greatest place on earth. I was being That Guy, talking to a friend on my cell phone as I walked in the door, and I just stopped and gaped and boggled my eyes and tried to explain to my phone buddy what I was seeing.

"I SEE AN ELEPHANT? AN ELEPHANT! AND A LION...AND A HYENA AND A WARTHOG AND A HERD OF GEESE AND AN IBEX [which turned out to actually be an eland--MY BAD!] AND OMIGOD A RHINOCERSON AND A HIPPO AND THE HIPPO'S BOTTOM TEETH ARE ALL HUGE AND CURLED UP AND SOMEONE'S MAKING DUCK NOISES AND I THINK THAT'S A SHOOTING GALLERY OVER THERE!"

Then I just dropped the phone and flitted around looking at stuff, and it totally WAS a shooting gallery over there, and there were people making duck noises and looking at guns and camouflage as far as the eye could see, and I tell you what, Jack, I was proud to be an American. Because where the fuck else would you ever find someplace so amazing? It was like being inside Nicolas Cage's head. Not that he's necessarily into hunting or anything, but don't you suspect that maybe things in his head are a little more awesome than things outside of it? I rest my case.

Cabela's carries a respectable selection of meat grinders, as well as traditional salt-preserved hog casings. FYI.